Step in the right direction

Today was the day for my annual ob-gyn appointment, and I did what I've done for a couple of years -- I took the whole day off. I arranged the gynecologist visit for the morning, and a made an appointment for a mammogram a couple of hours later. I figure if I do both of those things in one day, I deserve to take the rest of the day off!

Neither of them were really bad at all. I really love my doctor, he's very cool. Serious, but with a dry sense of humor. I could heap praise on him, but bottom line, I just like him. He complimented me on my toenail polish, and when he started the exam, he said, "Okay, now go to your happy place."

I asked him, as I always do, if he thought I should go off HRT, and he said no, and explained about some recent studies that show that women who stay on estrogen treatment through their fifties are healthier. I told him I was perfectly fine with that, but that I always like to check, and get facts so I can tell my mother when she calls with something that she's read in the newspaper. He said, well, they only print bad news, and if there's good news about something like that, they bury it because it isn't sensational.

I mentioned in passing that I had hurt my back a week ago, and that I should probably see someone about it; he said, "You know what they're going to tell you, don't you?" and I said, "Lose weight?" and he waved his arm, like no, no, and said, no, we could all stand to lose weight, but what they would tell you is, take 800 milligrams of Advil three times a day for a week and see if it stops hurting.

And he said, "There. I just saved you another doctor visit." He said that 800 milligrams (4 tablets) is the prescription dose -- it would never have occurred to me to take that many. But I'm going to try it.

The mammogram wasn't bad at all, really. It didn't seem as painful as it usually does, but maybe that was because I'd taken a couple of Advil for the back pain. The technicians are always extra nice (Bob says it's because they're all women and they have breasts, too, so they know what it's like).

I got everything done by about 12:30, so I took myself to lunch at Chipotle. I took my Morning Pages journal -- I had totally spaced doing them this morning. I had thought of them while I was still in bed, but had forgotten by the time I got up. So I wrote after I ate, sitting in the restaurant. It's all stream-of-consciousness, but I was thinking about the "if you could live other lives, what would they be" assignment, and I kept coming back to jewelry designer.

And it hit me -- I'd been thinking about taking a class in precious metal clay, but just didn't really feel like I should spend the money, or that I could count on getting away from work in time to make a class or even taking another day off in order to do it.

But something the doctor had said had stuck with me. It's nothing new, but something I tend to push away, I guess. He said, "Are you having any fun?" And I said, well, no, not really. I'm working a lot. And he said, it's like that Billy Ray Cyrus song, nobody's going to put on your tombstone that you worked a lot. Yeah.

And Bob had suggested I go to the bead store this afternoon; he'd picked up a postcard on the dining room table that had come from the store, with a 20% discount. So that's what I did. I went to the bead store, looked around and bought a few dollars worth of stones from the grab bag table, and signed up for a Lilly Ollo class.

It's sort of the Avon or Pampered Chef of jewelry design, I guess, but I thought it would be a good introduction to precious metal clay. Precious metal clay (PMC) is clay that is impregnated with sterling silver or gold. You manipulate it like you would regular polymer clay, then when it's fired in a kiln, the clay burns away and the silver is left. It's really fascinating to me, and I've been longing to try it.

The other thing, besides the cost (which turned out to be $44), is that I don't have a kiln, and you can't fire it in the oven like you can regular polymer clay. But I can't continue to let things like that stop me from at least checking things out. If I love it beyond all reason, I'm sure I could figure out how to buy a kiln (this is a small kiln, not a huge one like for firing pottery, of course). I don't even know how much something like that would be. But one step at a time. I don't even know if I'll like it. (I think I'll love it.)

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Blogging The Artist's Way

I've been feeling kind of lacking in creativity lately. I haven't been writing, haven't been making jewelry, having been knitting, having been doing anything creative, really. I've been busy, it's true, but something as important as that deserves to have some attention paid to it.

So I've decided to do The Artist's Way again. I did it once, a long time ago, but I think I could benefit from doing it again. It's very well known, but for anyone who hasn't heard of it, it's basically a course in regaining creativity for creative who may be blocked, or people who don't think they are creative, but would like to be. It's a little woo-woo "New Age," I guess, but a lot of it is pretty straightforward. I started it today; I read the introduction and the first chapter over the past couple of days. Today starts Week 1.

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety

My notes for Week 1:

• Protect the artist child within
• Acknowledge that you are an artist
• Lose the fear of being wrong
• Don't judge yourself, allow yourself to make mistakes
• Go slow -- it isn't a competition, and there's no deadline
• Affirmations: "I am a billiant & prolific __________."
• Blurts - subconscious negative responses -- turn them into positive affirmations
• Also - creative affirmations, i.e., "I am a channel for God's creativity, and my work comes to good," etc.

You are assigned tasks for the week; the expectation is that you will do most of them, you don't have to do all of them. The most important ones are the Morning Pages and the Artist Date.

Tasks for Week 1

1. Morning pages
2. Artist date
3. List three early enemies of your creative self worth
4. Write the story of one of these
5. Write a "letter to the editor" in your defense
6. List three champions of your creative self worth
7. Write a thank you letter to someone who encouraged you (mailed or unmailed)
8. If you had five other lives to lead, what would they be? Select one, and live it this week, as much as possible
9. If negatives occur this week, turn them into positive affirmations
10. Take a 20 minute walk with your inner artist

The Morning Pages are just three pages, written in longhand first thing in the morning, with no formatting or no thought other than to write three pages. I think of it as kind of a "brain dump" -- there's a lot of stuff in there that needs to get out, stuff that is clogging up the available space. Worry, concern, jealousy, anger. I already know that it helps to journal, but this is even more freeform. You aren't supposed to re-read them, in fact, you might as well throw them away, or shred them, or burn them. The point isn't to write anything worthwhile, it's just to write.

Artist Dates are time spent alone (well, the point is you're taking your inner artist on a date); no one else is allowed to come along. Cameron suggests visiting an art supply store, or a museum or the five and dime; it doesn't have to be expensive, it doesn't have to involve any expense at all. You could spend five dollars and buy crayons and stickers, or go to the park, or buy a museum pass.

The point is just to go out and do something inspirational, something fun, something with no particular agenda or expectation. Something that you enjoy. It definitely shouldn't be something that you think you should do, or anything that's particularly intellectually edifying, unless that's what you enjoy.

My Artist Date this week was going to a bead show at the convention center. I don't guess I mentioned it, but I hurt my back a week ago. One of those stupid lower back things -- I bent over to dry my hair and something popped, twanged, I don't know. Something hurt so badly that I could hardly straighten up. It's been bothering me all week.

Yesterday I drove past the convention center sign while I was running errands and saw the notice of the bead show. I wanted to go then, but my back was really bothering me and I knew I couldn't enjoy it. But today I was feeling a little better, so I went for an hour. It was a $5 entrance fee, and I spent about $25. I bought a Thai Hill Tribe silver charm--a little ring to slip on a chain--and several bags from someone's "grab bag" table--some aventurine, some carnelian, some gray potato pearls--those will all be used to make jewelry to sell--and a gift just for me, a Turkish "Evil Eye" pendant on a silver chain. Or, I guess, a gift for my inner artist.

Some links:

The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron
A Light for the Journey
Watermark: The Artist's Way
The Artist's Way Blog

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Just the essentials

When I started carrying this big planner every day, I had to rethink the other things I carry. I had been carrying a fairly large bag, a nice leather tan leather one. It closes with a magnetic snap, so it's sort of open, sort of a "feed bag" effect, I guess. A couple of weeks ago there was an incident with my cell phone -- I had gone to Target, and when I got in the car I was going to look at my phone because I don't always hear it when it rings and I'm in a store, and the phone wasn't in my purse.

I nearly panicked, of course, and rushed over to where I had left my cart, and sure enough, it was in the bottom of the cart, having apparently fallen out of my purse. So I knew I needed to do something different anyway.

I always struggle with the purse issue. I'd love to carry just about everything I own with me every day. I like to be prepared for any contingency. But also, I know it's not good for me physically to carry a heavy bag on my shoulder everywhere I go. I had started carrying an old Land's End canvas attaché that I had bought years ago, but with the attaché and a big purse, I was a bit overloaded.

So I switched my purse to a small one, a leather Fossil bag that only holds the bare essentials -- wallet, cell phone, tissues, a pen, pill box -- basically, that's it. And I even had to switch to a smaller wallet because my regular one wouldn't fit in there, and my glasses wouldn't fit in at all. The strap is long enough to wear bandolier-style, which I like, so I was carrying that purse and the canvas attaché and that was working pretty well. I put my hair brush, Palm Pilot, glasses and hand lotion in the attaché, which was fine for work, but really, that purse was too small. But I didn't want to switch back to the big one.

Then I was in Kohl's on Saturday to buy some t-shirts, and I looked at the bags and found one that I really liked. It was a Rosetti bag made of a lightweight fabric with leather trim, and it was $45, which I didn't want to spend. But I really liked it. I carried it around for awhile, then sadly put it back, because I just couldn't justify buying it.

The t-shirts didn't work out, so I took them back on Sunday, and again, I looked at the bag, and this time, there was a sale sign on the rack -- they were on sale for $18. Well, obviously I could justify $18, so I bought it. It's quite a bit larger than the bag I was using, plenty of room for a hairbrush and handcream, and of course I'm now struggling with wanting to load it up with all the other things I'd like to carry with me.

But I've resisted so far. And I decided to carry the planner in my arm, like a book -- I don't really need the attaché; I don't need four pens and extra notepads, etc., that's just my obsessive nature talking. Carrying it in my arm didn't really work out, though, so I went down in the basement last night and pulled out a tote bag that's just big enough for the binder and not much else, hopefully that will keep me from loading it down again.

Essentials:

• Wallet
• Palm Pilot
• Hairbrush
• Handcream
• Phone
• Keys
• Notepad
• Pen
• Glasses
• Sunglasses
• Makeup bag with:
  • Lip gloss
  • Nail clipper
  • Pill box
  • Small flashlight
  • Tissues
  • Emery board

Writing it all down, it sounds like a lot, but it's just the essentials.

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Problems

This will be short -- I'm sitting at my desk with the laptop balanced on my lap, unable to really move because I've got the ethernet cable stuck in the side, but it won't snap in, so if I change position, it loses the connection. The desktop computer (the eMac) has stopped working again; it will start up, then after an unpredictable amount of time, sometimes a day or more, sometimes about five seconds, the screen will start flashing and then die.

I don't think it's the computer itself, but the display, that's faulty, but since the eMac is an all-in-one unit, there's no way to really test that. So I'm going to have to take it in to the Apple store and have them look at it, and decide whether it's worth it to have it fixed or not. Unless the cost is completely prohibitive, I think it is, since I haven't had any trouble with the computer otherwise, but I guess we'll see.

And I probably mentioned awhile ago that one of the Apple OS updates a few months ago broke my wireless connection. If it was only me, maybe I'd go buy an Apple Airport base station, but I'm not a "hardware" kind of person--i.e., I'm very hesitant to attent to set something like that up--and since Bob's wireless is working, I really don't want to screw that up. I've been camping on to someone else's wireless, but that seems to no longer work, hence sitting at the desk, shackled to the desk, basically . . .

Ah well. Anyway, this is more or less a partial explanation for fewer updates and a longer email response time. It's just really difficult, and I'm trying not to kill my back since I can't actually sit in a comfortable chair with the laptop currently, or at least not be connected and do that. The other night I was able to get the desktop to stay viable long enough to copy some files off onto a thumbdrive, but I haven't been able to get it to stay up long enough to work on it since then.

Also, work is BUSY and my days are tending to last at least until 7:00 or 7:30, so by the time I get home I don't have much inclination to try to figure out the computer stuff. Maybe this weekend, although I'm not sure what I can really do, since the modem cable is only so long . . . I'll get it figured out one way or another, but I'm just not sure when or how long.

I just tried to publish this, and the connection isn't working at all now. I don't understand why. It's discouraging.

On another note, the reason my days at work are longer is that my job has changed. Rather than doing development, I've moved into a scheduling position. We've gotten large enough now that we needed someone to keep track of basically everything that's going on in-house, so that's me. I spend most of my days either in meetings or walking around talking to everyone, seeing what they're doing, making new assignments, and just basically making sure that everything gets done on time.

So the way it works out is, after 6:00 or so, I sit down and sort through email, and end up getting home around 8:00. And oh, apropos of nothing, did I ever mention that Matt, from the long-ago Lynqs days, is working at P3 now? I don't think I did. I didn't want to mention it when he was interviewing with us, and I think I failed to ever say anything about it. Through a series of coincidences--I hadn't talked to him in years, but he made a comment to a journal entry, I followed the comment to his blog, found out that he was getting laid off, and we were in a position to think about hiring another developer, and it all worked out.

I'm sure the computer thing will all work out, too . . .

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Quiet day, with werewolves

One of my favorite things in the world is to take a nap on a weekend afternoon with the windows open, and I got to do that this afternoon. In fact, it was a pretty lazy day all around. I spent most of it reading. I stayed in bed reading for awhile after Bob got up, then after he had gone to work, I fixed myself some breakfast and read some more, then in the early afternoon I took my book upstairs with me and fell asleep with a breeze blowing over me and birds singing outside.

I didn't sleep very long, maybe an hour, but there's just something so lovely about not having anything in particular to do, and being to just rest.

I was reading Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs, and I loved it! It's funny -- I'd seen the book on the new releases table at Borders several times, and picked it up, but I just wasn't sure about it. Then, I saw it at the library yesterday--at least that way if I didn't like it, I didn't have to feel guilty if I didn't read it.

There are so many supernatural stories out now that it's hard to choose good ones. I'm not really a romance fan, so the supernatural romances don't really grab me. Iron Kissed is the third in a series about Mercedes (Mercy) Thompson, who can shapeshift into a coyote at will. She was raised with a pack of werewolves, and works as a Volkswagen mechanic.

In tone, I'd say that the book is similar to Kim Harrison's Rachel Morgan series--vampires, werewolves, and fae living among so-called "normal" people, like in Harrison's books, having "come out" and made their presence known to the rest of the world. In Briggs' series, the Fae live on reservations; I've only read the one book so far--I'm reading them in backwards order because I'm taking them as I can get them from th elibrary--so I don't known much more about that.

But anyway, that's what kept me occupied all day today. The ending was just really lovely, just wonderful. The book was definitely worth spending the day reading. Like I said, I'm reading them backwards -- I got the second book in the series at the library today, and I have the first one on hold.

I sat down today and put a TON of books on my library request list. I buy enough books that I don't feel guilty about always getting books at the library -- I could never afford to buy all the books I want, but I buy enough. Some books I really just need to own, even if I'm not going to read them right away. But I find it hard to justify buying hardback copies of best sellers, and I seldom want to wait for the paperback versions. So I put them on the list at the library, wait awhile, and I'll eventually get an email telling me that the book is ready for me to pick up.

I use the self-check machine at the library--you slide your card under the scanner, then put the books through one by one. Each time, it will beep and say that the book has been checked out, and when you're finished, you can have the receipt either printed out or emailed.

Yesterday as I was checking out my books, one of them came up and said it couldn't be checked out, because it had holds. On my way out, I took it up to the counter and gave it to the librarian, saying that the self-check machine wouldn't let me have it because it was on hold for someone. She said, "Let me see your card." I said, "It's not on hold for me," but gave her my card. She said, "Yes, but you're here, and they're not," and she checked it out for me.

I know I've had that happen before, but no one has ever let me check out the book. I guess it just depends on who you ask.

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