Friday, December 27, 2013

Christmas failure

I always feel like I'm a failure at Christmas. I have all these grand plans, and don't live up to any of them, really. I intended to sew for Christmas -- I had plans to make pillowcases for everyone. Something that everyone needs and uses, and I have all this fabric already, so it wouldn't take any money, just time. But I can never seem to do anything ahead of time. I kept thinking I still had time, but time got away from me.

And then I had all the dental issues, and my mom went in the hospital, and things were just basically awful, and I didn't get anything done. I started out with such good intentions, but I didn't even get Christmas cards out. Maybe I'll just go ahead and address them now, and mail them next Christmas.

We had a nice Christmas Eve with Bob's family at his brother's house, and we had our family Christmas at my sister's boyfriend's house on Christmas Day. We stopped to see my folks briefly on the way there. One of my nieces was sick, her whole family was sick, so we didn't see them, and Bob's sister and husband didn't come because they live out of town and she had to work (in a hotel) on Christmas Day, so we didn't see them, either. And Bob's mother is gone, so that still seems weird to me, and my parents don't really want the whole big deal holiday anymore, which I completely understand. I know we have to make new traditions, and we're working on it, it's just really hard.

But we will all survive, and I will just try -- as I always do -- to do better next year.


Mary C said...

I hear ya. I did crank out some handmade cards on Christmas Eve day, but WHY DO I WAIT SO LONG? I was in some sort of denial mode about Christmas this year...not sure why. Now I have some glorious time off, and find myself stewing about the future (parents are elderly and have escalating issues, cat is winding down with renal failure, etc.). I feel like I'm always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm having trouble finding "peace." Working at it, though. So anyway, you're not alone in trying to find your footing.

Willa said...

I read something on Facebook the other day, but couldn't find it again, but the gist was, the holiday season is really hard for a lot of people. Sometimes it brings up good memories, but sometimes they're sad, or bad memories. Winter is hard for me anyway, and the holidays are very emotional. I'm kind of a basket case sometimes. :) I try to make everything perfect, but it never is, it *can't* be, but that doesn't stop me feeling bad that it isn't.

Tracy W. said...

I know how you feel. I was asked to make some wreaths for Christmas and just never got motivated enough to do so. All I wanted was for it to be over. Christmas has become an obligation and not a celebration. Winter gets to me, too. I only feel "good" if I am alone wrapped in a blanket in a quiet room. Any other situation keeps my teeth on edge and my tongue sore from biting it to not lash out at everyone around me.

Nick said...

Hi Willa! I totally failed at Christmas this year, too. My depression got the best of me, and it was all I could do just to get out of bed to eat something. I'm in the dog house because I chose not to attend any of the festivities. You know what? I have chosen to honor my feelings and emotions, and whatever they think can take a back seat! :) I always have, and will continue to love reading your posts. I'm a big fan of yours. Thank you for everything, and Happy New Year! -Nick (