Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Better than the alternative

This week has been hard for no particular reason. I started feeling depressed over the weekend and just decided to let myself feel it, and I would jump back in on Monday. I did, mostly -- I had work to do on Monday, and things to do, and I did them, but I'm still kind of struggling. It's something that I feel bad even mentioning, with all that's going on in the world, but like I end up saying a lot around here, it is what it is.

I went shopping for my mom yesterday -- she needed toilet paper, facial tissue, and cologne ("can you get me something that smells good?"), and then my sister and I went out and had lunch together, then went to Mom's apartment. She needed new batteries in her hearing aids, so my sister took them into the bedroom to work on them, and I was sitting in the living room with Mom. She would ask me a question and I would answer her and then she'd say "I can't hear you." She did it a second time and I just looked at her and then we laughed and laughed.

She wanted to watch coverage of the Texas flood, and I cried when the reporter asked a young mother in one of the rescue boats what she was worried about (which is always a stupid question, but I know they have to ask something) and what she said she was worried about wasn't her home (although I'm sure she was) but the fact that she had put her children in danger by waiting too long to ask for help.

My eyesight is getting worse and I need to do something about it, but I'm scared. My sister in Denver has some medical stuff going on and I'm worried about her. That's the reason I finally pulled the trigger on a new Macbook -- I was afraid that we were going to have to fly out there and if I had to stay more than a day or so I would need a computer, and the one I had was a piece of crap.

I'm constantly worried/concerned about my mom, and we have to do something about their house, and there's water in our basement and Bob saw a mouse in the garage the other day. I woke up in the night worried about having ordered a laptop case and I shouldn't have spent the money, but the one I bought at Target is crap, and will they let me return it without a receipt? And Dinah woke me up this morning at 6:30 by throwing up.

And politics. I tell myself that it doesn't affect me personally, so shouldn't have any effect on my mood, but of course, it does. 

I went to see my allergy/asthma doctor last week and I showed him a rash that I had on the back of my neck. He asked me all the usual questions -- had I changed shampoo or laundry detergent recently, etc. Then he asked, "Have you been under any stress lately?" When I told Bob that, he said, "You think?"

But:

  • Going out to lunch with my sister
  • Laughing with my mom
  • Finally getting a new laptop.
  • Last night Bob took me out to eat and I tried, but just couldn't get out of the black mood. So he took me home and went back out and came back with a piece of key lime pie for me because I said I thought I needed sugar. (I told him at dinner that I hadn't had any coffee today and he said, "Well, that was a mistake,")
  • I won a gorgeous black leather tote bag in an Ebay auction for about 1/5 of the retail price. I actually don't begrudge that money at all -- I regret spending $21 on a cheap laptop bag at Target.

So I'm going to go put the flag out, and unload the dishwasher, and go out and buy Bob dental floss. And get on with the day because really, what else is there?

Bob's dad used to complain about getting old and Bob would say, "Well, it's better than the alternative!"

3 comments:

Sabrina said...

Willa, this is one of the most charming, warm and wonderful posts you have ever written (and this from a looong-time reader of your blog!) Thank you for sharing what you've been going through and feeling. Goodness knows we've all had those days/weekends/times! I also really appreciate that you shared your gratitudes and fun moments, even though you're feeling down. I know you've been going through a rough patch, but this post really made me smile. Here's to seeing the sun through the clouds !

xoxo
Sabrina

Sharon King said...

Willa, I too am a long time reader of your blog. I think from the very beginning. I love your post because I'm so glad you shared your feelings. I know I get depressed sometimes too and while I hate that you go through that, it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone, if that makes sense. Every time my husband and I talk about how getting old sucks, we always say, but it's better than the alternative. And, we're not that old. It's funny how the closer to 65 I get, the younger it seems to me. Thank you for sharing you feelings, and yes the sun will shine again!

Jennifer Stumpf said...

No coffee is always a bad idea. Ha! I laughed and laughed at Bob's remark on it. I hope you are doing a little better these weeks later. Life can sure kick us in the ass, as my father in law used to say.