Currently

Eating:

Six cheese bagels from Hen House Market

The Daily Crave Veggie Sticks

Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World & Chubby Hubby

Drinking:

Scooter’s Lucky Leprechaun Blenders

Gevalia Mocha Latte Keurig cups

Diet Coke mini cans

Ice Pineapple and Coconut

Naked Juice Mighty Mango

Reading:

“Every Fear,” by Rick Mofina

Just Finished:

“Polar Vortex” by Matthew Mather

Knitting:

Socks in Opal Claude Monet 9686, Venedig, Santa Maria de la Salute

Tempestry project tapestries: 

1972 Lee’s Summit, Missouri

2019 Overland Park, Kansas

Sewing:

Pillow cases

Documenting:

Daily steps

Dinner menu

Daily weather and high and low temperatures

CPAP use and MyResMed CPAP score 

Subscribing:

Cocoa Daisy monthly journal box subscription

Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine

Vanity Fair

Yoga Journal

Calm Box

Kindle Unlimited

Amazon Prime

Playing:

Word Zen

Zen Koi

Exercising:

Yin Yoga classes at Darling Yoga

Watching:

“Goliath” on Amazon Prime

Listening:

Post Malone

Matt Maltese

Anticipating:

“Bosch” on Amazon Prime

“Big Sky” by Kate Atkinson

“Layover” by David Bell

“Bloody Genius” by John Sandford

“The Unkindest Tide” by Seanan McGuire

How to save money

I know that articles like this are basically click bait, but I’m as likely as anyone else to click on the ones that don’t look like a scam immediately. I never click on the ones that say “you won’t believe ...” and I never click on the ones that say it’s s heartbreaking story. Why would I put myself through that? Who wants to read something that will break their heart?

The ones I read just to shake my head at are the “50 things” type, like 50 things women over fifty shouldn’t wear, or 50 ways to save money.  Oh, but I never click on the ones that say “you’ve been doing this wrong your whole life.”  

Anyway, I keep thinking aniut one I just read that enumerates all the things you waste money on, and gives you alternatives, so you can “save tons of money!”

The presumption is, I guess, that most people are too stupid to know that they do things that aren’t strictly necessary, and that they could save money by not doing them. A couple of the stupidest ones are traffic and parking tickets and overdraft or late fees. You mean if I just drive a little slower or don’t park in no-parking zones I wouldn’t have to pay, or that I could actually avoid the late fee by not paying things late? Who knew?

A few of the things are slightly useful, like pointing out that store brand or off brand items are generally located on the top or bottom shelves at the supermarket, so they aren’t as easy to notice as the brand name items. 

Some of them seem to assume you’re a complete idiot and things like this wouldn’t occur to you:

• Wasting money on electricity? Turn off the lights!
• Wasting money on eating out? Cook at home!
• Spending too much money drinking at the bar? Drink at home!
• Spending too much on meal delivery services? Pick up your take out meals yourself!
• Wasting money on car detailing? Get out the bucket and sponge!
• Spending too much on that gym membership? Exercise at home!
• Drinking soda or bottled water costing too much? Drink tap water!
• Spending too much at Starbucks? Make coffee at home!

Those reminded me of the suggestions that wealthy people were making to the government workers who were furloughed during the shutdown. “Not getting paid for working? Get a loan! Have a garage sale! Sell your possessions on eBay!”

There are many reasons why we choose to do things. Certainly it costs a lot to buy a daily espresso at the coffee shop. Sure it might save money to watch television rather than going out to a movie, or cook at home rather than eating out. But if buying your caffeine fix each morning, going to movies or eating out are things you enjoy, and can afford, then you should certainly go ahead and do them, assuming aren’t too stupid to realize that if you didn’t do them, you would save money. 

Some of the suggestions aren’t just patronizing, they’re just ridiculous. The article says that if you love to read, you’re probably spending too much on books, and suggests that instead of buying books at the bookstore you go to Goodwill where you can sometimes get books for twenty-five cents. Assuming, I guess, that if you love to read then it doesn’t matter what you read, and that any old book is the same as any other. 

This one (and the number one suggestion) was my favorite, though:

Getting a manicure or pedicure costs an average of $20 after tip, just to have your nails look good. If you work in a professional environment where you feel as if you need to get your nails done to keep up appearances, that’s one thing, but most women get manicures simply because they enjoy it. If you want to save money, start doing your nails at home with a bottle of nail polish, or get reusable press-on gel nails for around $8. Reserve professional nail treatments for special occasions.

In the first place, I’m not sure where you can get your nails done for $20 including tip, but nevertheless, I find it funny that the article says that unless you are a high powered professional woman, your nails don’t need to look nice. Just get some press-on nails at the drugstore! 

But the kicker is: “most women get manicures simply because they enjoy it.”

I think “enjoying it” is a perfectly good reason to do something for yourself. 

Source:  https://self-made.io/skipping-these-50-money-wasting-habits-will-save-you-tons-of-money/9790/

There but for the grace

You know what? I’ve always been almost apolitical, and I seldom express a controversial opinion here. But this government shutdown thing is forcing me to say this. It’s no one’s freaking business how I or anyone else handles their money. If you are working, you deserve to be paid. Period. End of story. 

Maybe you have savings, maybe you don’t. None of my business. I don’t get to say that you should have been smarter and saved money. I don’t get to say that it’s no big deal, just use a credit card, or get a loan. Sell some plasma, have a garage sale, do some babysitting. 

I listened to a prison guard cry in a radio interview tonight because he isn’t getting paid and doesn’t know how he’s going to buy his son a birthday present. 

When the food stamp money runs out, what are those people going to do? It’s easy to say that they can get help from their family, but what if their family is also getting (or not getting) government help? Can we just say, oh, too bad, I guess you should have saved some money?  No, we cannot. 

If you’re not getting paid, everything not absolutely crutial to the preservation of life goes out the window. If no one gets haircuts while they’re furloughed, then the barber can’t pay his rent, and without rental income, the landlord defaults on his loan. 

We aren’t living in a bubble, or a vacuum. Actions have consequences, and they radiate out into the world. 

It is apparently too much to expect that some, not all, of the people running the government have compassion, if not understanding, for their fellow human beings. 

I’m lucky, I know that. But that doesn’t entitle me to belittle anyone else, or shake my head and say too bad, I guess they should have planned better. I’ve been through it myself. It’s hell. If your every thought is how you’re going to pay your bills, it’s impossible to keep your mind on your work and go a good job. 

I have a heck of a lot going on in my life right now, and I’m trying to keep all of the balls in the air. Most of my time is devoted to getting through my own crises. But I can at least have empathy and compassion for the people who are going through this, who are scared to death and don’t know what to do. And I can ask, in the strongest possible voice, that the people who we have elected to represent us in this world get it together enough to end this ridiculous travesty and let the people who are doing their jobs get paid for it. 

A new chance to get it right

I said in an Instragram post on New Year’s Eve that it’s all artificial, that one minute is the same as the next, but that isn’t really true. It always seems significant to celebrate the beginning of a new year. Beginnings seem fraught with meaning. In fact, every morning is a new chance to get it right.

I know from past experience that my New Year’s resolutions tend to be the same every year — lose weight, eat better, exercise — and generally fall by the wayside within a few days or weeks.  I remember one year that I vowed to give up meat, then had a ham sandwich at a New Year’s Eve party. The mind (and heart) is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Still, I have to do something. This year I have intentions. I joined a yoga studio and paid a monthly fee for unlimited classes. I visited the studio before I did that, of course, and took a variety of classes to be sure I liked the place and the teachers. I did. The studio is less than s mile from my house, so I really have no excuse not to go. My first intention is to take at least one yoga class a week, preferably more.

My second intention is do Morning Pages again (from Julia Cameron’s “The Writer’s Way”). The idea is a three page brain dump first thing in the morning before the world intrudes. I’ve done them before, and want to do them again. I want to try to get back into writing again, either blogging or journaling or something. I do miss it. There have just been so many other things taking up space in my brain that it has fallen by the wayside.

My third intention is to read over 100 books this year. Since I read about 150 in 2018, that shouldn’t be a problem. Fourth, to take my vitamins and pills every morning. I always take them, but sometimes not until later in the day, so the intent is to take them before noon. And the old eat better, drink more water, etc. Oh, and knit and sew more.  I need to make time to get more creativity into my life. My main creative outlet lately is my planner, which I adore. I love making lists and keeping track of things. That isn’t the issue. The issue is doing the things that I want to keep track of. We’ll see. Another chance to get it right.

Christmas every month

I've always had planners, but I haven't always kept up with them. I've written before how my planner saved my life when Bob was in the hospital for so long a couple of years ago. The first day I took a notepad with me, and it was immediately apparent that I would need something more, so I brought in the A5 Daytimer that I was using at work at the time. I loved that size and configuration. It was the two-page-per-day version. The left-hand page had space for a to-do list, an hourly schedule listing and a place for phone calls and expenses. The right-hand side was lined, but otherwise blank, for notes.

I wrote down everything--what doctors saw him and what they said, every procedure that was done and the result, everyone who visited, my thoughts. Bob's two closest friends are doctors, and one or the other (or both) would call me every night and want a report, so I took notes in preparation for that and for their explanation of what it all meant. And once Bob came out of the coma and was home, we went through it together and I gave him a timeline of what happened while he was out of it.

I continued to use that planner when I went back to work, then put it away when I got laid off the next year, because I didn't feel like I needed it. I was still doing freelance work for clients, and was also looking for a job, so I did need somewhere to keep notes and record appointments. So I switched to a pocket Daytimer, with a spiral monthly booklet, and that was fine. Then my dad went into the hospital, and about a month later he died. My planners help me keep my sanity during times of crisis, and this was one. The pocket DayTimer was with me during the first couple of weeks when I was keeping track of doctors and phone numbers, and questions that I needed to ask.

When it became apparent that he probably would not come out of the hospital, the pocket planner wasn't enough, and I switched again, this time to a personal sized planner -- I think DayTimer calls it the "compact" size. It's the one in between the A5 and the pocket size. After he died, I had a lot of appointments with the assisted living place where my folks -- and now just my mom -- were living, lawyers, accountants, financial planners, etc., and again the planner was my lifeline. It was full of phone numbers, notes, questions I needed to ask and instructions for things I needed to do as executor of his estate and my mother's representative, as I held her power of attorney.

At some point I had gotten kind of bored with the DayTimer. Occasionally over the years I would switch to one of the decorated planners that Franklin Covey or DayTimer offered, but I always came back to the standard plain white and green. Which is very professional and businesslike, but sort of boring, so I started looking around for something else. I used a Happy Planner for awhile, and bought TONS of stickers and washi and different kinds of paper and that was cool for awhile, but I kind of got tired of having to decorate everything. The Happy Planners come completely plain, and all the decoration is done by the user, with the aforementioned stickers, washi tape, colored pens, etc., and I enjoyed the creativity of it for awhile, but it got old.

I had seen Carpe Diem planners in the craft stores, and really liked the look of them, particularly the "Reset Girl" line. I loved that color palette and the design aesthetic, so switched to that. It was kind of annoying because again, the pages are blank, and in the case of Carpe Diem, always undated, so you had to go through and date the thing, in addition to decorating it. But I liked it, and used it for awhile. Then we made plans to go to the Dominican Republic with some friends the middle of January. I knew I wanted to take a planner with me to keep itineraries, plans, and notes, but the A5 Carpe Diem was just too big to carry around. It was great for a desk planner, but not to take on a trip. Carpe Diem had just come out with a personal size line, so I stocked up on that. A new binder, new inserts, new stickers, etc. And it was nice, but still kind big to carry around.

So I switched to a Webster's Pages personal size. The pages are the same size, but the binders are narrower, so a little easier to take with me. So as I'm preparing all this, my mother went into the hospital and died within 48 hours, and everything became even more complicated. We needed to shut down my mom's apartment, cancel utilities, credit cards, insurance. And more lists were necessary. But first, we had to go on vacation. My mother died on January 5, we had the funeral on the 10th, and we were leaving for the Dominican on the 13th.

Somewhere in that timeframe, I ran across Cocoa Daisy, probably in my Facebook feed. I was joking to a friend recently that my feed consists of planners, knitting and cats. Not joking, I guess. It really does.

Cocoa Daisy is a company that sells planner inserts and accessories. They don't make a proprietary line of binders, they just make the insides (although they do sell some binders made by other companies). The inserts are heavily decorated, and are different each month. The January set was in a travel theme, with maps and travel images, and it seemed perfect for January, new beginnings, and yes, also, we were going to be traveling!

The company has a subscription model. I wasn't ready to commit to that, so I bought just a pack of personal sized pages to try it out. I ran across a black leather zippered Kate Spade binder in a discount store which turned out to be great for travel, since I could throw it in a bag and not worry about the pages getting beat up. I didn't like it so well once we were home since it doesn't lay flat when opened, but the pages themselves were wonderful.

As I said, it's a subscription model, with some items available separately, although they quite often run out, i.e., if you don't subscribe you run the risk of not being able to buy what you want. Which is very annoying, but also sort of genius. AND, the subscriptions close at certain times of the month, so even if you want to go in and subscribe, subscriptions could be (and often are) sold out before they are even for sale. I still wasn't quite ready to commit to a subscription -- you have to sign up for 3 or 6 months and there is a cancellation penalty -- so I ordered another set of pages for February. By that time, I had drunk the Kool Aid and was waiting nervously for subscriptions to open back up. I ended up subscribing to the monthly personal planner kit, the planner "add on" kit, and the dashboard kit. It's VERY expensive -- my subscription came to about $50/month with shipping -- and it's probably not really worth it, but it's pretty wonderful.

Then my OCD kicked in and I got worried that I was going to miss something, so I added a stamp subscription and a sticker subscription and something so secret they don’t even tell you what is in it (the “Classified” edition). I believe my AmEx got hit for about $99 yesterday. A lot more than I was paying for a year’s worth of Daytimer inserts!

The thing is, every month is different. VERY different. And you don’t know what it’s going to be before you subscribe. I committed to six months (you get a small discount by subscribing). January was travel themed, and the colors and design were very “me.”  February was pastel floral and the company’s mascot, Simon the rabbit. It was okay. Cute. 

March was peacocks. VERY colorful. April is umbrellas and clouds and lilacs, and May is going to be birds and typewriters, which looks like it’s going to be another one that I will love. Every month is different, so you can’t get bored. And if you don’t particularly like one month’s design, it’s just a month until you get a different one. 

It’s a lot of fun to get the box each month. Planner pages, stickers, rubber stamps, patterned paper, and often little extras like a pencil pouch, decorated bulldog clips, paper clips, etc. it’s like Christmas every month!

What's in my bag?

This was my birthday gift to myself this year. It was expensive, but I used my 25% off VB birthday coupon. It’s the Vera Bradley Day Off Satchel in Classic Black, and it’s perfect.


It has a slip pocket on the front for my phone, a full width zip pocket in the back for keys, and a zip pocket inside, too. They’ve gotten away from that lately, and I’ve really missed it. I like my bag to be organized without a lot of crap jumbled in it, but a separate cosmetic case usually makes it feel too stuffed. This one is just right. Oh, and it’s lined in a bright print (Moon Blooms), not black, which makes it so much easier to find things.



The shoulder strap is adjustable and removable. I’ve attached a Bagnet, one if my favorite things. It’s black leather with a silver ring that matches the bag’s hardware. It has a strong magnet inside that lets you attach your bag to the metal wall of a restroom stall, a metal table base, etc., and keeps it off the floor.


Inside:

iPhone
Wallet (VB Turn Lock Wallet, also in Moon Blooms, of course)
Reading glasses
Hairbrush
Black leather 3x5 card holder with cards
Notepad
Pens
Inhaler
Keys, mine and my mom’s, both on VB key rings
Sunglasses and case
Hand cream
Lip gloss (Clinique Voluptuous Violet)
Lip balm (Nivea A KISS of Mint & Minerals and Eos Vanilla)
Hair tie
Mints
Tissues
Pain relievers
Hand sanitizer
Phone charger and charging cord
Loyalty cards
Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion+
Eyeglass repair tool
Bandaids
Mirror
Nail oil
Emery board
Tiny zip bag with extra earrings in case I forget to put some in
Earbuds

In the wallet:

Credit and debit cards
A couple of loose checks
Drivers license
Insurance cards
Mom’s ID cards and insurance cards
Another pen and a few blank cards
Business cards
Cash
Coupons

Better than the alternative

This week has been hard for no particular reason. I started feeling depressed over the weekend and just decided to let myself feel it, and I would jump back in on Monday. I did, mostly -- I had work to do on Monday, and things to do, and I did them, but I'm still kind of struggling. It's something that I feel bad even mentioning, with all that's going on in the world, but like I end up saying a lot around here, it is what it is.

I went shopping for my mom yesterday -- she needed toilet paper, facial tissue, and cologne ("can you get me something that smells good?"), and then my sister and I went out and had lunch together, then went to Mom's apartment. She needed new batteries in her hearing aids, so my sister took them into the bedroom to work on them, and I was sitting in the living room with Mom. She would ask me a question and I would answer her and then she'd say "I can't hear you." She did it a second time and I just looked at her and then we laughed and laughed.

She wanted to watch coverage of the Texas flood, and I cried when the reporter asked a young mother in one of the rescue boats what she was worried about (which is always a stupid question, but I know they have to ask something) and what she said she was worried about wasn't her home (although I'm sure she was) but the fact that she had put her children in danger by waiting too long to ask for help.

My eyesight is getting worse and I need to do something about it, but I'm scared. My sister in Denver has some medical stuff going on and I'm worried about her. That's the reason I finally pulled the trigger on a new Macbook -- I was afraid that we were going to have to fly out there and if I had to stay more than a day or so I would need a computer, and the one I had was a piece of crap.

I'm constantly worried/concerned about my mom, and we have to do something about their house, and there's water in our basement and Bob saw a mouse in the garage the other day. I woke up in the night worried about having ordered a laptop case and I shouldn't have spent the money, but the one I bought at Target is crap, and will they let me return it without a receipt? And Dinah woke me up this morning at 6:30 by throwing up.

And politics. I tell myself that it doesn't affect me personally, so shouldn't have any effect on my mood, but of course, it does. 

I went to see my allergy/asthma doctor last week and I showed him a rash that I had on the back of my neck. He asked me all the usual questions -- had I changed shampoo or laundry detergent recently, etc. Then he asked, "Have you been under any stress lately?" When I told Bob that, he said, "You think?"

But:

• Going out to lunch with my sister
  
• Laughing with my mom
  
• Finally getting a new laptop.
  
• Last night Bob took me out to eat and I tried, but just couldn't get out of the black mood. So he took me home and went back out and came back with a piece of key lime pie for me because I said I thought I needed sugar. (I told him at dinner that I hadn't had any coffee today and he said, "Well, that was a mistake,")
  
• I won a gorgeous black leather tote bag in an Ebay auction for about 1/5 of the retail price. I actually don't begrudge that money at all -- I regret spending $21 on a cheap laptop bag at Target.
  

So I'm going to go put the flag out, and unload the dishwasher, and go out and buy Bob dental floss. And get on with the day because really, what else is there?

Bob's dad used to complain about getting old and Bob would say, "Well, it's better than the alternative!"

Stream of consciousness

Just a post to say that everything's okay, or as okay as it seems to be lately. I'm out at my Mom's as much as I can be, doing shopping for her, taking care of her business. I'm spending a lot of time paying bills and going through Dad's paperwork, and working with a financial planner to try to be a good steward of my folks' assets.

And we're trying to figure out how to handle getting the folks' house cleaned out, cleaned up, and sold, and it's such a huge undertaking that it's basically overwhelming.

I keep thinking that it's hard enough running your own life, let alone running someone else's.

My house is a disaster. When we were preparing for Dad's funeral, I hadn't planned on doing anything with photos, but Mom wanted them, so I went over to the old house and brought home all of the photo albums -- ALL of them, which was, I don't know, maybe twenty of them. I went through them and selected photos for the funeral and made a display, and now I've got all of those albums here. I don't really want to put them in the basement, because we have a water/humidity problem down there and I don't want to ruin them, but I don't have room for them upstairs so they're sitting in the hall.

And that's something else that's keeping me from working at the old house -- of course there are things there that I would like to have, but I have NO room here, and I think my sisters and brother are probably in the same situation. So we're going to end up selling or giving away everything. And my Mom thinks she might like to have some of the things from the house, but she can't remember what, and there's no way that we can get her over there to the basement.

Anyway, like I've said before, it's just life. This stage of life -- where we end up taking care of our parents -- isn't a whole lot of fun. I want Mom to everything that she needs and/or wants but I still have to be sure that it's the right thing for her, and the right thing to do. She would like to have a rocking chair at her apartment, and there is one at home, but I don't think they'll let her have it there because it's a safety risk, but I need to find out about it.

Now I'm overwhelming myself again and feeling upset. It will all get resolved and figured out, but sometimes it feels like a lot to handle.

Just a stream-of-consciousness update. More later.

So

So. It's tempting to list out all the things that have happened, that have gone wrong, in the last year and a half, but there's really no point to that. It's just life, and as I remind myself, our life is pretty good -- very good, in fact -- and many people have a lot more to deal with than we do.

It's been a little over a year since I lost my job, and while it wasn't what I wanted, I don't know how I would have handled all of the things that have happened if I had also had to go to work every day.

Bob's dad passed away in October. One of Bob's brothers had been living with his dad, helping him, taking him to doctor's appointments, etc. He needed a few months to get things together after their dad died, and he moved out of the house shortly after the first of the year. Bob put the house on the market the first of April, and it sold immediately. With closing a couple of weeks after that, the house had to be emptied and cleaned, and with Bob working every day, most of that fell to me.

I spent quite a few days over there packing up the kitchen and dining room and throwing things away. In the end, we ended up getting the 1-800-JUNK people to come out and haul a lot of stuff away. Much of it was furniture that there was nothing wrong with, but it was stuff that no one in the family wanted. While I would have liked to have taken some of it, I didn't need it, and didn't have room for anything anyway. It was an expensive choice, but we just didn't feel like we had the time or energy to have an estate sale or put things up on Craigslist. I gave a few pieces away to a friend, and that was the extent of it.

Bob and I spent a couple of days cleaning everything, scrubbing out the refrigerator, cleaning the carpets, etc., and the closing went through fine.

That same week, my dad got sick. He had a bad cold and cough; he choked on a large pill that he was trying to take, aspirated, and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Two weeks after that, he passed away. There was a lot of in-between, of course -- lots of talking to doctors and nurses, getting my mom back and forth to the hospital, filling out a lot of paperwork, then getting him moved to a nursing home under hospice care, where he died on May 1.

Then came planning the funeral, notifying relatives and friends, etc. I went through hundreds of photographs to make collages for the funeral, wrote the obituary, met with the funeral home people, chose flowers . . .

The whole thing was kind of an interesting experience, and while I wouldn't say I *enjoyed* it, I was glad that I had the opportunity to do these things for my father. The funeral was fine; there weren't as many people there as I had expected, but later I realized that he was one of the last of his generation. There just aren't many of his friends around anymore. We had the funeral in his and my mom's hometown, a small town in Missouri. It was a full military funeral with a 21-gun salute, and two Naval seamen in dress whites removed the flag from the coffin and folded it in a wonderful ceremony.

I had held it together pretty well, but the memory of the seaman kneeling in front of my mother to present the flag to her can make me cry even now.

With my mother being legally blind, profoundly deaf, and disabled from a stroke years ago, handling my parents' affairs falls to me. I've spent the last couple of weeks calling insurance companies and banks, brokerage houses, lawyers, etc., and there's really no end in sight. I have an appointment with our attorney tomorrow to go over some stuff with him. I sat at my mother's assisted living apartment last Thursday while a cable installer set up cable and new telephone service, and my brother and sister and I have taken turns being over there with her.

While they were installing cable, I had them install wifi also, so I can take my laptop over and work in Dad's office while I'm getting things transitioned. I will probably eventually move things over to my house, but for now I'm just feeling my way through it.

As we do everything in life, I guess. We just do the best we can and somehow it all seems to work out.

Body blow

Sometimes I feel like giving up, like curling up in the corner and just letting it all wash over me, but I can't. You can't do that, you have to go on, there isn't really a choice. It just seems like life is so hard sometimes. I know that I'm very lucky. I'm loved, I have a good life. Things are hard sometimes, the last couple of years have been hard, the last couple of months have been really difficult. Sometimes it's just hard to be positive.

I was out at my folks' assisted living apartment today helping them with some stuff (which is difficult at the best of times), and I checked my email to find that I'd been fired by a client because she hadn't received an email from me on a project, and she felt that I had overcharged her. And consequently, she no longer wanted to work with me, and would be finding someone else to do her website work.

I had sent the email. I don't know why she didn't receive it. And I didn't overcharge her. I charged her for the time I spent, but she didn't think it should have taken that long. Whatever. I definitely don't think I'm perfect, and I don't expect everyone to like me, but it was out of the blue and it hurt. I do try to remember that not everything is about me, that everyone has stuff going on, and maybe it had nothing to do with me at all, but it sure feels personal. Just a body blow when I didn't need another one.

Oh well. Onward and upward.

And the hits just keep coming

Bob had an appointment with his cardiologist last Tuesday. I went with him, but it was just a routine visit. But the doctor decided that he wanted to get some more bloodwork done, so after we left his office we went out to the clinic to have blood drawn. We visited with Bob's doctor, who is also his best friend, then went out to brunch. Bob was leaving for a work trip to Florida the next day, so we came home, did laundry, and started packing for the trip.

About 8:30 that night, the phone rang, and the caller i.d. said Encompass Medical Group. I thought maybe it was an appoinemtnt reminder or something, but it seemed strange they would call so late, so I answered the phone. It was a nurse who said she was working the night shift and was looking at his blood results. She said his sugar was out of sight and he should probably be in the hospital.

So that was a little unsettling.

I handed the phone to Bob, and she told him the same thing, and said she was going to call his doctor. Bob went out to take a drive to clear his head, and I kept on packing. While he was out, he talked to the doctor, who told him that he now has full-fledged diabetes, obviously uncontrolled, and he would be much happier if he stayed home. Bob said that he couldn't, that he had to go. So John told him, okay, if you have to go, then you have to cut your calorie intake in half, cut way down on carbs, don't have any sugar, and no beer. He also told him to tell the guy he was sharing the hotel room with that if he (Bob) started acting goofy, to call 911. That was a set-up for a joke, to be sure, because his roommate said, "How will I tell, he's ALWAYS goofy."

Bob had been taking medication for diabetes, but it obviously wasn't doing enough, so I talked to the doctor and we set up an appointment to meet to get info on blood glucose testing and insulin injection. In the meantime, Bob did great on his trip. He called me and told me what he was eating -- mostly salad, some fruit, lean meat -- and said he felt fine. His return trip ended up being ridiculous, though. He had a flight at 9:00 in the morning, but it was delayed, which caused him to miss the connection. All of the flights were overbooked, so the best they could do for him was a flight leaving around 9:00 p.m., which got in at 10:30. So by the time I picked him up and got his luggage, etc., we got home at 11:30. Super long day.

Most of my day today was spent wrangling blood testing supplies. The prescriptions that were called in to the pharmacy added up to around $300. Fortunately, my sister suggested checking at WalMart before picking up the prescription, and I ended up buying a testing meter, testing strips, lancets, alcohol wipes and a sharps container for a little over $20. The only thing I had to buy at the pharmacy was the insulin and needles, and that was $50, so I spent $70, but way better than $300.

So anyway, he's doing fine. Not happy about it, of course, but he's taking it pretty well. He was practicing sticking his finger tonight, and said it looks like we've got a whole pharmacy going on up in his office. And it does indeed.

Quick Trip / QuikTrip

So, I'm still sick. It seemed to be winding down, but I've been coughing and unable to sleep, so I got some Mucinex last night. After the huge horse pill got stuck in my throat and practically choked me, I waited, but it didn't seem to do anything. Bob was going out of town this morning, we weren't finished doing laundry and packing until after midnight, and I wanted to let him get to sleep before I came to bed. So I sat in my chair downstairs and coughed myself dizzy. The coughing finally seemed to stop, and I slept a couple of hours, but now I guess the Mucinex is doing its work and I'm coughing stuff up and (sorry) it's disgusting.

He left for Florida this morning for five days for some work training. The plane left at 7:00, so we got up at 4:00, which gave me, I think, a total of about three hours of sleep. We stopped at QuikTrip so he could get a cup of coffee. I just had a bottle of water, because I was afraid of another coughing spell.

I got him to the airport and dropped him off at curbside check-in, and drove home, then went back to bed until I was woken up by a coughing spell. This seems to be taking a long time to get rid of, but I almost never get sick, so I suppose that's why it feels so awful.

At least it's warmer, though! I think it's supposed to be in the upper 60s today, then back down to the 30s the rest of the week. We live in a four-plex, an interior one, so that helps with heating and cooling. The little electric forced-air heaters work great, we've got one in the bedroom, one in Bob's office, and one downstairs where I normally work. The plan is go get through until late Spring and then replace the entire heating and cooling system. Not looking forward to that, but it has to be done.

It's 61 out now, I guess I should go out and enjoy it.

Penny Soup

I'm sick, and our furnace isn't working, but I'm not stupid, I know I don't want to get a furnace bid from someone when it's 2 degrees out. Or, you know, maybe I AM stupid, but that's a different story. And whenever I'm sick, I want soup, but not just ANY soup, MY vegetable soup. And I was also cold, so that didn't help.

So I went to Target and bought a couple of little portable space heaters and vegetables to make soup. Every time I make vegetable soup, I'm reminded of the scene in Anne Tyler's "Ladder of Years" (my all time favorite book) where the little boy is missing his mother, and asks for "penny soup." The dad asks him what penny soup is, and the little boy tells him it's vegetable soup.

So the dad dices the vegetables and makes homemade soup, and is quite proud of himself, but the little boy cries. Dad is upset because he doesn't know what he did wrong.

When he asks Delia about it, she tells him that any mother would know what penny soup is. It's when you SLICE the carrots so that they look like pennies. Whether that's true or not, that any mother would know, I don't know, but I always remember it.

So soup is in the crock pot and I'm finally warm.

Moving forward

I started this blog back in 1995, before "blog" was even a word. At the time, it was an "online journal," and I remember thinking how dumb "blog" (then "weblog") sounded. But now it sounds perfectly normal, and pretty much everyone has one. Well, not everyone, certainly, but an exponentially larger group than existed at the time.

When I started it, I wrote every day, and it was a huge struggle to think of something to say. I remember sitting in my chair with the laptop on my lap late at night, searching for something to write, because I knew that people were waiting to read it. In fact, if I didn't write one night, I could expect to wake up to emails asking if I was okay!

It became a burden, and I eventually allowed myself to stop writing every day. I instituted a mailing list so I could let readers know when I had posted a journal entry. That eventually fell by the wayside as well. I was working a full time job (a series of them, actually), and writing in the evenings. That worked for awhile, but then I started doing freelance web design also, and it just got to be too much, so of course, the non-paying gig was the one that suffered.

Now that I'm working from home, one of my goals is to write much more. I'm following several self-help gurus, one of whom is Leonie Dawson. She publishes a set of workbooks that guide you through a series of exercises to help you improve your life and business. One of the exercises is to write down 100 things that you would like to accomplish in the next year. When I started writing them down, 100 seemed like a huge number, but I'm now up to 64! Some of them are fairly small and easy to accomplish (get new glasses, inventory the safe deposit box), but some of them are huge (clean out my parents' house, write another book). A couple of them I've already done (pay off Bob's hospital bill!, get a new wedding ring set!).

Okay, the wedding ring set was a $65 set from Kohl's, but it's beautiful, and will suffice until I can, someday, get my engagement ring diamond reset in a ring that actually fits my finger.

The point is, make some goals--some that may be fairly easy to achieve, and a lot that may be harder. One of my biggest goals, now that I no longer have a full time job, is to figure out ways to generate more income. A couple of my friends have suggested that I set up a system whereby people could help me out by paying small amounts for the content that I provide, such as this blog. I've resisted it because it's so hard to ask for those kinds of things, but one of my goals this year is to be braver.

When I was building my new website this summer, I got up my courage and asked my website clients to give me testimonials, and they did. It was hard for me to ask, but no one minded (I don't think), and they wrote some great stuff.

So I'm being brave, and I've added a "Paypal Me" link at the top right of this blog. If you click on it you can send me some Paypal money! I've also set up a Patreon page. There's nothing there yet, because I have some questions.

I can set up the page either as a monthly subscription or "pay as you go" where you would donate a certain amount each time I post something. That's the one I'm leaning toward, but what do you think?

Also, Patreon asks you to set up rewards for various levels like crowdsourcing sites do, i.e., if someone donates $5, I'll send you a thank you email, if you donate $50, I'll mention you on the blog, if you donate $500 I'll name my first-born child after you. You know, like that. What would make sense? What would you like? Could you either leave a comment here telling me what you think, or send me an email? I would appreciate it so much!

Feeding Myself with Love

​One morning last week I was hungry, and was going to go scrounge something in the kitchen, probably a Pop Tart. I almost never cook for myself, I just don't see the point. And working from home, I don't even think about eating until I'm starving. It's different from going out to work, when I always either put together a lunch to take with me, or planned to go out, or planned to eat something that I had at work. When all you have to do is walk to the kitchen, the planning kind of goes out the window.

So, the plan, such as it was, was a Pop Tart or a frozen waffle or, I don't know, peanut butter on a piece of bread. Then I thought, you know, you might try treating yourself like you would treat someone you loved. So I scrambled a couple of eggs with onions and mushrooms, made toast and poured orange juice and ate it on a real plate. It was lovely, and I felt as if I had treated myself well.

I feel like I'm always quoting Anne Lamott, but there's a story she tells about radical self-care. She asks (paraphrasing here), if you invited the minister to lunch, would you meet her at the door and say, "Reverend, here's your very own can of Ptingles," and eat them standing up in the kitchen over the sink? Of course you wouldn't. You would cook something wonderful, one of your best dishes, and serve it on your best china with real silverware and a tablecloth and a glass of iced tea.

Certainly you won't do that every day, just like you wouldn't invite the minister over every day, but it's definitely something to think about.

I'm not a huge fan of cooking, but I always try to have something for Bob when he comes home from work. It's not always elaborate, but it's usually something hot, and I make an effort to present it in a pleasing way. I arrange the plate on a tray with a napkin and silverware. I may add a small dish of olives, or if it's a sandwich, there is also a pickle. It sounds silly, and I guess it makes me sound like a 1950's housewife, but I try to do everything with love, and he's always appreciative, and that makes me happy.

I try to remember that it'd also important to treat myself well. I may not always do that, either, but it's worth making an effort.

New Year, New Planner

A couple of weeks ago I saw in an Instagram post that Costco had a Happy Planner starter kit available at a good price. It may have been $24.95, I don't remember now, but the planner itself would normally cost about that much, and the kit included stickers, washi tape, and a bunch of other stuff, and weekly inserts for two years, not just one.

I had resisted starting a Happy Planner because of all the stuff that was available for it -- the aforementioned stickers, and washi tape, etc. Every photo that I saw looked so complicated (and, yes, beautiful) that it seemed to be more of a scrapbooking process than a planner.

But different planners are needed at different times. When Bob was in the hospital, the Daytimer I had at the time was absolutely essential. I wrote down everything that was said, and was able to discuss it with other doctors, or just read it myself and, later, answer Bob's questions. The problem with it, though, was that it was so big. Too big, really, to carry every day. It was fine when I was going back and forth to the hospital, but once he came home and I got back to work, I didn't want to carry it everywhere.

I used a Levenger Circa agenda for awhile, then when I started working from home I completely downsized to a Moleskine weekly diary that I could carry in my purse. I intended to do that this year, too, with the backup of a cheap agenda that I could keep on my desk for notes. Than I saw the Instagram Costco post, aka, the gateway drug.

Once I saw how much fun the Happy Planner was, I went looking for more. I discovered that they had just come out with a mini version, and that turned out to be perfect for me. It's compact enough to carry around with me -- too large, really, for a purse, but I can slip it in a tote bag or carry it in my hand, and it's fine. One of my clients gave me a Michael's gift certificate for Christmas, so I got a pretty vinyl cover for it and lots of filler paper and stickers. I was sitting in bed one night recently and Bob asked me what I was doing (I believe he said, "Are you looking at cat videos?"). I said I was looking for stickers, and he said he could honestly say that it had never occurred to him to look for stickers . . .

There's a whole sisterhood of planner addicts out there. You can buy custom covers, dividers, decorated paper, and more stickers than you can imagine. You can also download free sheets of images to print yourself on sticker paper and cut out (yes, I bought some sticker paper, but haven't used it yet).

As I've followed these planner groups on various social media avenues, I've found that a lot of them have not just one planner, but many. One for fitness, one for social media planning, one for bible study, etc. Some have as many as seven going simultaneously. I can see the appeal, because it is a lot of fun, but that would never work for me. I need to have everything in one place (as a friend said on Facebook, "There can be only one."), and I don't need to be spending that much time playing around, anyway. To be fair, though, I think that most of them are actually doing it as a job -- making YouTube videos and things like that.

For now, I'm just having fun with it, figuring out how I want it to look and to work for me. And it is a lot of fun and I guess, secondarily, functional.

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A cold and broken Hallelujah

On Tuesday I got up at 3:30 a.m. to be at the polling place by 4:15. I helped set up the voting booths, put out signs, and set up the "Poll Pads," iPads that were used to scan voters' identification cards and confirm their registration so they could vote.

The polls opened at 6:00 a.m., and there were people waiting to vote when we opened the doors. There were never any long lines, but there was a steady stream of voters throughout the day. We greeted people as they came in, and held the door for voters on crutches and using walkers. We watched people take cell phone photos of their teenage children, voting for the first time. We asked a man waring a Trump tee shirt to cover it up or turn it inside out, since no one is allowed to wear or carry any kind of political messages inside the polling place.

In the middle of the day, a woman came out of the voting booth crying, and she said through her tears, "My mother told me all my life that I could do anything I wanted, but I never thought I would get the opportunity to vote for a woman for president." I got up from my seat and hugged her, and it was all I could do not to cry with her.

The polls closed at 7:00 p.m., and by the time we had sent the runner off with the digital cards from the machines, signed the paper tapes, and packed up all of the equipment, it was 8:00 p.m., and I was worn out.

When Bob woke me up on Wednesday morning to tell me the results of the election, it felt like a bad dream. I'm still feeling a little numb. I believe that our elected officials deserve respect, whether we agree with them or not; I guess we'll see whether that holds true over the new few months and years. I have my doubts, but I hope I'm wrong.

I'm glad that I had the opportunity to participate in the election process, and happy that everything went so smoothly, at least from our perspective. I understand that the advance voting that allowed us to have virtually no lines on election day caused the system at the county election office to overload, requiring a manual recount.

The system isn't perfect.

Leonard Cohen passed away today, and everyone has been quoting his lyric, "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." We just have to keep looking for the light.

Challenging

It has been a challenging few months.

I was laid off in April from a job that I loved. I had described it as my dream job. It had gotten to the point where it wasn't exactly a "dream" anymore, but as dysfunctional as it was, I still felt like it was my family, and never imagined that they would throw me out like the trash. It wasn't a complete surprise, I'd been getting some rumblings that all was not well, but it definitely felt like a betrayal. In addition to losing my job, I lost some friends. It happens. I'm not sure why I thought it would never happen to me. I guess I learned that lesson.

The timing turned out to be fortuitous, though, I guess. My sister had to have cataract surgery on both eyes and couldn't drive, so I became her designated driver, taking her to eye doctor appointments, surgeries, and follow-ups over a several week period. She lives fairly far away from me, and the eye doctor was further still, but I enjoyed spending time with her, and I was glad that I was able to do it.

Right after that, my dad told us that they needed our help in figuring out what to do as far as moving into an assisted living situation. My sister and I spent a LOT of time and energy researching elder care places, and visiting the ones that seemed promising. My folks, along with my sister and my brother and his family visited the one that seemed to us to be the best (I was sick and didn't go), they made their choice to move there, and then came all of the moving stuff. And both my mom and my dad ended up in the emergency room a couple of times during that period, so there's that.

It has been a pretty rocky move. They're not really very happy there, but I know it's a HUGE traumatic event, and they're probably doing as well as could be expected, even though we didn't expect it to be so hard.

Then, one day after the move, when I was out at their old house getting something for them, I stopped at Quik Trip to get gas, and my car died and wouldn't start back up. I had to call my insurance company's "roadside assistance," and they sent out a tow truck that took me to a repair shop. They had a hard time figuring out what the problem was, but they eventually tracked it to an electrical problem that they fixed, but told me that it probably isn't completely fixed, so don't go on any long trips. And that was around $500.


During this same time period, our refrigerator started failing. Ice wasn't freezing well, and it wasn't keeping things cool enough. So we had to buy a new refrigerator. I researched that, and found the most inexpensive one I could that would do the job, and it ended up being another $500 or a little bit more. Added to all the miles that I've been driving, and all the gasoline, it's been a really expensive few months, especially since I don't have an actual job anymore.

And now Bob's car is in the shop, and we're expecting that to be a big expense. I'm hoping not, but we shall see.

I was an election worker for the Primary Election last week, which was interesting and fun, although it was a really long day. We had to be there at 5:30, and left around 8:00. I just thought it would be something kind of fun, and it was. I went to a half day training class a couple of weeks before, but I was still nervous that I wouldn't know what to do. The primary was fairly slow, which was good, since it gave me and the other new workers a chance to learn how to work the machines without there being a lot of pressure. I'm planning to work the General Election in November, which I'm sure will be MUCH more hectic.

Now that the folks are moved and fairly stable, I'm starting to focus more on getting a job. I had hoped that I could stay home, but with all the extra expenses, it hasn't worked out that way, unfortunately. But it will work out, one way or another. It always does.

Ebook obsession

I read a lot of books; I'm sure that's no surprise to anyone. I read over one hundred books a year, sometimes more. This year I'm on track to read about two hundred. I don't buy physical books anymore. I really love ebooks. I remember when I had a Palm Pilot, I was thrilled to discover that you could read books on it.

Then along came the Kindle. I had one of the first ones that I eventually sold to my sister once I got an iPhone. Then I got another, better (and cheaper) Kindle, and then a Kindle Fire, and of course an iPad. Now, with the iPhone 6S, I read almost exclusively on my phone now. It's always with me. I don't have to worry if I have a book in my bag for downtime, I always have several hundred in my phone.

I read while waiting in doctors' offices, I read in line at the car wash, I read while eating in restaurants if I'm eating alone. I have felt guilty at times for buying so many ebooks, and I've gotten more picky about them lately. I subscribe to several free and discount ebook lists, and I download a lot of free and 99 cent books.

For the new release bestsellers, I usually put my name on the waiting list at the library, but I would really rather buy them. But I can wait rather than pay $15 for the ebook.

All this is leading up to the Apple pricefixing antitrust lawsuit settlement. The suit had to do with Apple allegedly conspiring with book publishers to charge artificially high prices. According to 9to5Mac, "Customers will receive $6.93 for every ebook that was a New York Times bestseller and $1.57 for every other ebook" sold by certain publishers.

So, I don't have any idea how many books I bought, but I got an Amazon credit of almost $350 in my account yesterday. So yeah, my ebook obsession actually paid off!